In The Begining

Maybe it's the drugs talking, or maybe it's just four years of life after the world ended, but it's time for a change. Maybe it took my mother's death to make me wake up and realize that while I might have been dreaming about a life that was mine I was living one that was theirs. If you've stumbled here looking for grand revelations I'm not sure I will have anything for you; I'm still stumbling around trying to find my own. Of course that's not to say you won't find any. How should I know? You could find some deep, profound meaning in a throwaway sentence that I will probably never think of again. Life can be like that sometimes; one man's trash and treasure and all that jazz, it's just we don't notice it. If you are here quite by accident (if you believe in accidents) I can only hope you might stay and consider what I have to say, if, on the day you are here, I have anything to say at all.

It started with a story that lead me to a little book and a strange irreligion that I am just fumbling around the edges of.(Yes, I ended a sentence in a preposition. Bite me) I don't know why it called out to me, probably because nonsense had often seemed to make the best sense to me. I gave it a first glance because it looked quirky and I stayed even after I saw it wasn't just about being silly and random. It asks me to think, not what others want me to think, but what I want to think. I'm discovering this is much harder then one would assume, but I am trying and now that I have started I'm not sure if I can stop. I'm not going to pause and explain myself to you along the way (this is for me not you after all) so if there is something you don't understand or want to know more about, I suggest you paste it into your search bar and go find out about it for yourself. That's part of thinking for yourself too and one that I find especially annoying. I liked having everything explained to me, at least in the broadest strokes, but that's still thinking what others think (or want me to think) which is not what is going to lead me out of the dark. I tried that and it got me nowhere or maybe it just got me back to the same somewhere if that is what I meant. The harder I look, the less things make sense, but for some reason I'm almost relieved. As if I never liked the way the world made sense.

So it's time to take the blinders of the horse and get this carriage moving. You can come with me if you would like, or just drop by and see where I am at from time to time. Don't expect all posts to be this obscure, some will be less, some will be more, half the time I will be lying to you (I'm good at it), and half the time I will be lying to myself. Maybe there will be something meaningful in here for you or maybe I'm just beating a dead horse. It doesn't matter; this is what I am going to do.

I am going to think for myself.